CareBearsRevival

My Gamer Card!

Gamers I whoop on a regular basis!

About Me:

I am a total goof ball and I don't take many things seriously. Not that I would laugh in your face if you told me you were dying, but I might expose myself. I like a song from a band called The Wreckers. It is called Leave the Pieces. It's kind of girly but so what. Do you want to fight about it?

I Just bought this:

Life is too short to take it seriously. Don't stress about shit, it will just kill you early. Work hard save your money get educated and you'll be fine. A few months ago I found myself pissed off about a red light. I took a breath and then thought, what a good time to read a book. So I ran the light and pulled into the Barnes and Noble just a few feet away. I saw a book called, “Fire your Boss” from Stephen M. Pollan & Mark Levine. So I called work and fired my boss in a way that he will never hire me back. Some times I think I should have bought the book as I may have taken the cover too literally.

This it the correct way to swing a golf club:

I opened a title company a few months ago. What's a title company you say? When you buy a house you will need one. Business is good too. I have 1 goal. I want to retire when I am 50. I have 19 years to build enough wealth to do it. The amount I accrue will dictate the beach I move to. Hopefully it is the Caribbean and not a sand box at the Cherry Street Park in Norristown. Seriously, I can’t work for someone else.

Living proof that the dumb can get a good job if they apply themselves:

I actually saw Hope Floats in the theater. Do you know that Forest Whitaker Directed that movie? It wasn’t my fault. It is what a 22 year old guy does to get laid. It worked too. Well, sort of. I had to sit through Powder, too. This is all true by the way. Want to see a picture of her? Sure, here you go:

I played soccer when I was around 5 years old. Our team came in last. For some reason we still got metals. It was part of the sign up cost I guess. They were nice too. I had mine melted down and used for my gold teeth.

Yep, that’s me! I have worked at 2 McDonalds restaurants in my life. I can go for a Big Mac right now. Sing it with me! Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun! Remember the Mc DLT? Keep the hot side hot and the cold side cold bitch!

It was all my idea. I wanted to create a sandwich that would use so much styrofoam the ozone layer would be gone just in time to give my children skin cancer. Ask Al Gore. He knows all about my little scheme. I was foiled when the fast food restaurants converted to paper cartons. I was 14 years old working for $3.05. I got a raise and it was $.15 extra an hour. That’s when I started smoking cigarettes. Buek worked at Burger King. We were rivals.

When I was about 8, I wanted to get some candy. So I hopped on my bike and was ready to run down to the store. My brother said, wait a minute, I’ll go with you. I didn’t wait. I wanted some damn candy. These 2 kids come up to me and say, “Give me your money.” It was a twenty by the way. in 1983 $20 went a long way. I said no. He punched me in the nose. Just like that, blood everywhere. He grabbed the twenty but he didn’t get it. My mom let me keep it. She said I deserved it.

So when I was about 12, I went to Family Dollar with my buddy Axel. They had Donruss Baseball Cards. The big pack! There were like 30 cards in there for a few bucks. They even had value packs with 4 packs of like 30 cards. How much? Who cares! We stole them. I walked right out the door and turned around. No Axel. Stupid me, I walked back in to see where he was. A guy grabbed me and took me to the back and called the cops. Man, I cried like a little girl. They cuffed me and took me to the police station. I was a big threat back then. All 85 pounds of me. The guys on the football field in high school called me spaghetti arms. Thankfully that was the last run in with the law. Generally, I was a good kid. Partly because I got smart and stropped getting caught doing dumb shit.

I knew Dan from elementary school. 1992 was the year when my life changed and I met my crew. Sean, Scott, Buek, Funk, Nick, Mark and Drew.

From left to right:
Douche bag, J.P. Toto, Funk, Buek, Sean, Mark(Tan Man), Me, Drew.

This is Nick!

I graduated High School in 1994. We had 2 hotel rooms right off the beach for Senior week. Mark didn’t come down because he was meeting with a Marine’s Recruiter. Ask him how boot camp went. It was late as hell one night and Chris asked me, “Dude, want to get drunk?” I replied, “Man, we’ve been drinking all day. I need to get some shut eye before it gets too late.” He said, “But its 4 AM.” So I got up and started to drink again. It was the only week Sean was fun to be around! Just kidding Sean. On the way home from one of my eyes was actually closing itself. I got home, laid down and the phone rang. It was Sean. He said, “Lollapalooza tickets went on sale.” I got up and went to ticketmaster. Keep in mind, this was 1994. I could have driven to California and bought the tickets faster than using the internet. Scotty was dating this broad named Amy. she used to touch him under the table and make him walk around with a raging hard-on. At 17, Mrs. Scott would give you a hard-on let alone a hot piece like Amy Wilson, and Mrs. Scott had hair like Beavis.

Right around this time was the first time I got laid. Yep, 3 minutes. It was cool for me! One day Buek and I decided that were going to throw a hotel party. What a great idea for a bunch of 18 year old guys. We get the room, my brother gets the beer and Buek and I are there to set up. It was only supposed to be a few of us. Hotel room and beer = 20+ people. The hotel manager stops by and says, don’t bother leaving, the cops are on the way. Everyone bolted except Buek. We thought, screw this. We grabbed the beer out of the bath tub threw it in the boxes which was not fitting because there was no time for organization. We started stuffing out pockets. Bottles were dropping and breaking in the room, on the steps and in the parking lot. The manager was laughing at us. We jump in the car and we were out. As we were pulling out, the cops were pulling in. It was that close. 2 things were conscience of. 1. Drive like a normal person. 2. Dump the beer. We pulled in someone’s drive and through it in the bushes. It was a shame to waste all that beer. Just kidding. Mark and Buek ran up to get it out of the bushes. We were parting by 11:00.

It is 13 years later and I still have the same crew. People spaced out a bit but we all still hang out. Some married, one died and we picked up one on the way. Other than that, not much has changed. We still end up together every now and then. Last year we went to Vermont. Though Mark almost ruined it we still managed to have a good time. All you guys piss me off and I wouldn’t change it for the world. See you in Chicago! Oh, And I just peed myself a little.