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Old School Games: A few years ago I had an amusing thought while playing through the classic "Dragon Warrior 1" on the NES. In the unwritten rules of being a video game hero, is becoming romantically involved with the princess/damsel part of the Rewards Package? That seems to me how it works in most old school RPG's. You apply for Hero-ship, and the king gives you the deal. "Go forthe and slay the evil things that plague our lands, and we will allow you unrestricted access to our houses and places of business, to take items from said homes and businesses, and shall you succeed, you may bangeth my daughter."

 Fighting Games: Last time on The Perverted Gamer, I talked about Wardrobe Malfunctions in Soul Caliber. Well, shortly after I had another metaphysical pondering about the genre. In games like Soul Caliber and Dead or Alive, for the most part you have very good looking women and very good looking men squaring off. After a while, they both get a little disheveled, they're both a bit sweaty and flustered, he can see her boobs, she can see he's getting excited, adrenaline's pumping...I wouldn't be surprised if many a matchup got tossed out by default because the contestants were too busy getting busy on some rocky cliff. When you think about the situation, just go ahead and use your favorite characters. I have mine.

 Role-Playing Games: In todays modern RPG, getting the girl has been somewhat stricken from the Reward Package these days. Relationships in RPG's are usually the "Unrequited Love forged in the hardships of battle" rather than "Oh, brave hero, you saved me from the dragon. Do me. Now". So, basically it boils down to a group of tightly knit characters of different walks of life traveling across the globe, usually with an equal mix of men and women. The hero/swordsman, the plucky magic girl, the brooding sorceror/sorceress, the thief, the tank, the uptight babe with the rack, the Smooth Criminal, and the "bad guy turned hero" guy/girl. And they all share a single room at the Inn. In my own sick little head, Cid probably knew Aeris and Tifa just as well as Cloud did, if you know what I mean.

Bonus: When it comes to discussions about RPGs, eventually, someone mentions FF7.

Racing Games: When a race car rams into another race car from behind, can that be considered an unwanted sexual advance?

First Person Shooters: If you're expecting me to make an Alma joke, shame on you. FPS's don't really lend themselves well to being naughty, with few exceptions. If you know of a few, feel free to share.

Bonus: Wanna have some fun the next time you play Harvest Moon? After you get married, your wife eventually becomes pregnant. Take a moment and ponder how that conceivance went.

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