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Attention, anyone who has ever lashed out at video games: shut the hell up. I’m really at my wit’s end with all of these ridiculous stories about how video games cause violence, obesity, illiteracy, cancer, the Black Death, and probably the impending apocalypse. I can’t take it anymore! Every day there’s a new story, or non-story, I should say, with some uninformed jackass trying to get his or her name in print by saying ludicrous things about video games.

First of all, you all need to do your research. Do you think no one knows how ignorant you sound? Actually, don’t answer that, because I already know what the typical gamer stereotype you have in your head is. You think we’re all unemployed, slovenly, and unintelligent, and would never take the time to do something as simple as, I don’t know, read. I don’t even have time to tell you how untrue that is, and because it’s so ridiculous I won’t even waste my time trying to justify it with a response. Bottom line: we know you have no idea what you’re talking about when you say that Grand Theft Auto promotes cop-killing and mall shootings or that Mass Effect is basically porn. Play a game before you judge, morons.

Of course, you can’t do that, because maybe if you actually played video games, all of your stereotypes and false truths would come crashing down around you. You might discover that games require reading, thinking, reasoning, and decision-making, all of which are skills that you don’t really use while watching TV or movies (or standing on a soap box). Yet, you still choose video games to use as your moral scapegoat.

Secondly, I hope you don’t think that we actually believe your intentions in destroying video games are honorable. You all have other agendas, and we know it, so let’s not pretend. The media likes to have big stories with catchy headlines to attract readers, so “Teen With Emotional Problems and History of Abuse Kills Others” isn’t quite as alluring as “Grand Theft Auto Teaches Child How to Murder!”

Politicians are even worse. You guys want to look like you stand for something, so you go after video games? Really? With war, unemployment, poverty, and violence all running rampant, you’re going to go after the hard-working people of the video game industry? This doesn’t make you look issue-oriented, it makes you look like you can’t handle any actual problems this country faces, and that’s pretty pathetic. How do you expect to get anyone’s vote that way?

And as for you, Mr. Florida Lawyer, we all know why you’re in this. As much fun as you have playing the victim and pretending to be such a crusader for your noble cause, we’re not actually dumb enough to fall for that. We all know that multi-million-dollar lawsuits result in big money. It’s really disgusting that you’ll take advantage of grieving families by claiming you can make things right by blaming video games for reasonless deaths. Then again, I would expect no less from an ambulance-chasing tool like yourself.

Lastly, I think what all of you need to understand is that video game is no longer the underground hobby enjoyed by a small group comprised of children and agoraphobics. It’s a huge culture comprised of millions and millions of people and employs many as well. Every time I read some story about some uninformed enemy of video games, it’s personally insulting, and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. When it comes right down to it, you’re all just being attention whores, and there are better ways to get attention. Finding something worthy of your scorn would be a good place to start. Also, staying the hell away from my industry would be just peachy.

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