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- Wednesday: Top Ten List
- Posted About 1 year ago by Veggie Jackson
To celebrate Thanksgiving, I wanted to assemble a list that honored that special day when the pilgrims sat down to break bread with their Native American neighbors. Sadly, there aren't any games about pilgrims and Native American characters are as hard to find in the game world as they are in the real world. So instead, I decided to honor tomorrow's celebration of gluttony, naps and the NFC and list this year's top ten turkeys: games so bad that their negative impact was felt throughout the gaming world. So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, here are ten games that make you thankful that you aren't obligated to play them. (WARNING - Bad Thanksgiving puns ahead!)
10 - Project Sylpheed

Its got lots of cool ships, a decent story and great looking explosions. Unfortunately, that's about all its got going for it. With one of the most baffling control schemes ever conceived and a frame rate hovering around zero, this is one serving of cranberry sauce that should be left in the can.
9 - Dynasty Warriors: Gundam

What do you do with a franchise in its umpteenth iteration that hasn't seen a bit of innovation in more than a decade? Combine it with another franchise that wore thin some time in the late nineties! Pressing A has never been so repetitive. Dynasty Warriors and Gundam go together like mashed potatoes and butterscotch.
8 - Tenchu Z
When you think about it, it's pretty impressive the way From Software took a concept that should have been so cool and turned it into such a massive crapfest. One-button combat spread over 50 levels that all look exactly the same makes for a dull, boring experience. Like sweet potatoes without the marshmallows.
7 - Bullet Witch
Yes, despite what the graphics may lead you to believe, this game was, in fact, made this year. Fun features include shoddy controls, embarrassing AI and unsatisfying gunplay that will put you to sleep quicker than tryptophan.
6 - Lair
Hyped as the killer app for Sony's PS3, Lair failed to deliver on just about every level except for graphics. The dragons and environments look great, but a game is no fun when controlling your dragon is as hard as keeping fat uncle Earl away from the drumstick.
5 - NBA Live '08 (Wii)
Don't get me wrong; the Xbox 360, PS2 and PS3 versions of EA's hoops offering are perfectly functional basketball games. The Wii version, however, is an absolute disaster. The motion-sensitive controls are flat out broken and the graphics are early Gamecube quality. One has to wonder how EA could mess up a basketball game this badly? It's like someone let the cat cook the stuffing.
4 - Hour of Victory
I was hesitant to even include Hour of Victory on this list, as it isn't really a complete game. Midway's military fps is so ugly and full of crippling glitches and bugs that this can't possibly be a finished version. They sold it to people, though, so that's good enough for me. Good gravy, this game is awful!
3 - Escape From Bug Island
This old-school Resident Evil clone is as dismal as games get. Mind-boggling controls, atrocious voice acting, maddeningly repetitive music and shameful technical issues like the ability to walk right past boss battles contribute to what might be the worst Wii experience yet. At least the awful graphics are constantly obscured by fog as thick as pumpkin pie.
2 - Vampire Rain
Let's forget that this game is visually a muddy, ugly disaster. Let's even ignore the fact that the levels are confusing and terribly paced. What makes this game number two on the list is the fact that it is almost unplayably hard. With this combination of poorly-implemented stealth mechanics, pea shooter weapons and tons of nearly invulnerable enemies, you'll spend minutes watching vampires tear into you like so much green bean salad. Then you'll turn the game off.
1 - Kengo: Legend of the 9

Kengo: Legend of the 9 is without question the worst Xbox 360 game ever. Samurai swordfighting should be exciting. Kengo is decidedly not. Gameplay consists of mashing buttons to effortlessly kill hundreds of Paris Hilton-level stupid grunts, then fighting bosses that either stand still and let you hack them up without a thought of defending themselves or kill you instantly with a single errant swipe. On top of all this, the game looks like absolute crap, every object and character clips into each other and there is absolutely no variety to the mission structures. What's most amazing is that it's the third game in the awful Kengo series. Why does Majesco keep making these abominations? It's like Aunt Ethel's rhubarb fig bread. Everyone hates it, but she brings it every year.
There you have it. Ten bad games, ten bad Turkey Day puns. If you think there were games that deserved to be on the list, make your opinion heard. Me? I'm getting a sandwich.
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hour of victory. what a joke.
some of those games below lair i never even heard of and was wondering how you can expect much from a game that almost, and going out on a limb here, no one knew about or even had the slightest interest in?
@matthew: Actually, there is no need to guess. They appear to be in order from 10 all the way down to 1.
The answer to your question would seem to be that Lair, although flawed, simply failed to live up to expectation. It wasn't a failed build of a game, just a flawed execution. But, for a lot of PS3 owners, Lair is a passable title.
Not game of the year, but certainly not worse than any of the games ranked lower on this list.
i love the commentary. You need to put Jaws Unleashed on this list. I'm playing it now, having the time of my life but am still able to acknowledge the fact that this game is seriously lacking elements that makes a game a game.
so, i'm guessing these are in no particular order because how can a high touted game like lair be less crappy then games for the 360/wii that were never even expected to be good?
kengo? vampire rain? escape from bug island? come on, seriously. i remember lair being drooled over and talked about like it was going to be a major system seller during E306.