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You're out of bullets, grenades, plasma, arrows, and cerebral bores, but unfortunately you're still staring down a crowd of zombies big enough to start a lawsuit.  What do you do?

Pretty much every action/shooter has a last resort, melee-range weapon.  A knife, a bat, a... brainsaw. Either way, game developers have included these as a way to reward badass gamers and punish those who just can't manage their ammunition. I thought I'd take a minute to review some of the best and worst melee weapons of all time.

DUKE NUKEM 3D: THE BOOT  [B+]

That's right, Duke (the original FPS badboy) figures the best way to deal with alien scum is a swift kick from his steel-toe Timberlands. Armed with incredible thigh strength and a sack of witty one-liners, Duke could kick his way through anything. While jumping. And crouching... and running...

JEDI KNIGHT: THE LIGHTSABER  [A-]

You know they did a Star Wars game right when your starter Lightsaber is just as powerful by the end of the game as it was when you began. It burns, it cuts, it flies (in the sequels)... it even deflects blaster shots! The only thing lacking is the ability to weld through locked doors...

COUNTER STRIKE SOURCE: THE KNIFE [C+]

Let's face it, the knife is boring. It has generic animations, does poor damage, and is basically suicide against anyone wielding a non-spatula weapon. But it does have two redeeming characteristics: a one-hit kill for a backstab (great for humiliations!) and aerodynamics that somehow make you run faster while wielding it!

SHINOBI: THE KATANA [B+]

Now this is how you make a melee weapon.  Instead of jumping around chucking shuriken, Joe (yes, your ninja's name is Joe) can eschew that strategy for flipping out and killing people up close. With a swift slice and flash, you can pretty much 1-hit anything in range. Sweet.

QUAKE 3:  THE GAUNTLET  [D]

Hard to use, loud, and with no potential for the one-hit kills offered by things like CSS' Tactical Knife, the Gauntlet is a joke. If you're going to put a chainsaw into a game, make it fun to use. See: Gears of War.

TEAM FORTRESS 2: THE BOTTLE OF SCRUMPY [A+]

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