With Coop and Sarah in transit to Los Angeles, it falls to some of us here in the office to cover the pre-E3 events, including today's Ubisoft Press Conference. I'll be live-blogging the goings-on as they occur, so make sure to hit refresh every minute or so for the latest out of Los Angeles.

The newest event will appear at the top. All times are Eastern:

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9:55 - And that's it?! WHAT?! No I Am Alive? Worst ever. WORST. EVER. (sorry for all the caps, but it's the only way to convey my disdain)

9:55 - OH SNAP! WRIST MOUNTED GUNS!

9:54 - If the locales look half this good in-game, this game will be absolutely gorgeous. Game drops November 17th.

9:53 - Stabbity Jones makes an appearance. Good neck slash.

9:52 - Lots of guys in masks. Some pretty ladies. All rendered.

9:51 - AC2 trailer... oh Venice, you've never looked so good.

9:50 - Assassin's Creed 2 is coming up... but I'm not sure if I can make it.

9:49 - Codename: Eden? Some kind of secret project or something.

9:47 - No More Heroes 2 reveal time. Fuck yeah.

9:47 - The Wii game, is due September 22.

9:46  - Well, after seeing some of this footage... I've got to say this game fell about thirty notches in my book.

9:45 - Trailer time.

9:44 - We're approaching two hours here Ubi... start getting shit done.

9:43 - Hey, it's TMNT. Alright, I'm interested again. Mildly.

9:41 - Did I miss anyting? No? Okay. Good.

9:38 - Alright, some mini-games. Nothing terribly exciting. For adults anyway.

9:35 - Sweet, a live demo. Wake me up when it's over.

9:33 - Rabbids Go Home trailer. They do funny things. At least I assume they're funny to someone.

9:32 - It's about time they showed some Rabbids. No, really, I've been anxiously awaiting this game reveal all day. All. Day.

9:31 - So this is what, the thirtieth fitness game for the Wii?

9:30 - There's absolutely no way the images they're showing are in-game.

9:29 - The camera will come bundled with the game. Now every system will have a camera. Just great. More peripherals.

9:28 - The first camera enabled fitness game, Your Shape, will hit the Wii this holiday season.

9:27 - The camera makes sure you aren't cheating while playing your fitness game. If you're cheating, why are you using a fitness game?

9:26 - Players will be provided with real-time feedback in how they're performing. We'll see about that.

9:25 - Ubisoft will be using cameras for their upcoming fitness games. We're introduced to Felicia Williams, who wants to revolutionize how we think of fitness games.

9:24 - Style Lab games will allow you to... AAARGH MY EYES! I CAN'T STAB THEM OUT FAST ENOUGH!

9:22 - Imagine-town Online. Ubisoft's most trafficked website. Are you kidding me with this?

9:21 - Style Lab Jewelery. Finally, the game where you can design you're own neclaces. What was I doing with my life before this game?

9:21 - Train pets in one Petz game, then transfer them to another. Then check yourself into rehab.

9:20 - See how the Imagine brand hits on the "Three I's": idiocy, inaneness, and impotence.

9:19 - Look at those sexy numbers. Tween games sell like crack in a ghetto. Shocker.

9:19 - Why are people cheering for the Imagine brand?

9:18 - Tony Key comes on to talk about what game sells the most units. I'm guessing it's a critical darling.

9:16 - YES! It's time for the casual games.

9:16 - Um, okay. The game is all about controlling the battlefield. Not sure what to make of it since no real gameplay was shown.

9:15 - Trailer starts with two guys playing an RTS on a interactive table. Hope it's bundled with the game.

9:13 - Looks like we're going to get to see Ruse.

9:12 - The new Splinter Cell guys show up to capture Sam. Yeah, they look bad ass.

9:10 - I can't wait to see everyone rave about this press conference, despite how awful and boring it is.

9:09 - Your objectives show up in real time, written across the environment. It looks cool, but feels a bit forced. I guess it's better than a prompt in the HUD.

9:08 - There are multiple ways to complete an objective. Pretty standard fare in an espionage game nowadays.

9:06 - Looks like you can interact with just about everything in the game world. Sam smashes a car mirror to use the shard as a tool to look under doors.

9:06 - Yep, seen this demo already earlier today. I guess they figure not everyone has the internet.

9:05 - Fisher's kid is dead? I thought she was just kidnapped. Or was that the last game?

9:04 - Gameplay demo time. I sure hope it's the same one we already watched. That would be the best.

9:02 - Trailer for Splinter Cell. Been there. Done that.

9:01 - The producers of Splinter Cell Conviction hit the stage. Finally, a game people give a shit about.

8:59 - An hour in, and I've already tried to stab myself with pointy things seventeen times. A new record.

8:57 - Looks like Mario Strikers finally has some competition. If you want to call it that.

8:56 - The game seems to be borrowing heavily from the Harry Potter paintings at Hogwarts. The pictures on the wall interact with one another. Shmeh.

8:55 - Now the teaser works. Looks like we're in for some ESRB rated comic mischief.

8:54 - In so many words, Pele says he's glad to be a part of a video game to keep the great game of football alive in the hearts of the children. Or something like that.

8:53 - I didn't think things could get worse after James Cameron's insanely long diatribe, but Pele's ramblings might take the cake.

8:52 - Pele tries to explain the game through a translator who is dressed like a woman, but might be a man. Not quite sure.

8:52 - They can't get the trailer working. Oh, perfect.

8:51 - McHale trying to riff with Pele who just giggles incesantly. I'm going to go out on a limb: best press conference ever.

8:51 - A sneak peek at the upcoming football game. Very charicatured figures. They actually look pretty bad.

8:50 - And the star of GOAL! takes the spotlight.

8:49 - Academy of Champions, a new soccer game featuring Pele.

8:48 - Barely any actual gameplay at all.

8:47 - Well, if this isn't a bit bland. Just a bunch of people putting together a ramshackle ramp out of household matieral for Shaun.

8:46 - Shaun White Snowboarding: Wold Stage teaser trailer time.

8:45 - The game will be bundled with Wii Motion Plus at launch.

8:44 - RS2 is supposedly running at 60fps.

8:43 - The gameplay is a little disorienting. A lot of movement.

8:42 - It's not exactly 1:1, but it looks pretty close.

8:40 - The game uses a cel-shaded look. Doesn't look terrible. Hard to tell since I'm not watching in person.

8:39 - Getting dragged through the desert on a motorcycle. Looks painful. Ooooh, right under a tractor trailer... down through some flaming aqueducts... the motorcycle crashes...

8:38 - Now an exclusive look at the first level.

8:37 - Jason Vandenberghe, creative director on Red Steel 2, comes on stage.

8:36 - It already looks better than the first one.

8:35 - It's got a bit of a classic western feel. If this is in-game footage, I'll be shocked.

8:35 - Red Steel 2 trailer time.

8:35 - At least I now know that I'm not the only one who can't stop looking down at the teleprompter.

8:34 - What happened to you Joel McHale? You used to be funny.

8:33 - Cameron says that the game is the coolest ever made. A demo is available on the floor at E3. Coop/Sarah: Burn it to the ground. I hate it before I've seen it.

8:32 - The game will be out before the film. The game doesn't spoil any plot from the movie, which makes an early game release possible.

8:32 - Bring the guy who can't speak English back out. At least I was entertained trying to figure out what the hell he was saying.

8:31 - Please, James, tell us the moral themes of your film which we haven't seen yet. We don't want to figure them out on our own.

8:30 - Ubisoft design ideas made it into the movie, and some of the designs the film team came up with that got scrapped were added to the game adaptation.

8:28 - Is this what it's like to lose your mind? I taste pennies.

8:27 - So, how are you guys? I'm doing just fine. As you can tell, I've just about lost patience with this press conference. The guy with the broom from the Apollo needs to get his ass in gear to get Cameron off the stage.

8:26 - OH MY GOD SHUT UP JAMES CAMERON!

8:24 - Dude, seriously, you need to stop telling us the plot of your movie. I feel like I don't even need to see it now. Okay, that was a lie. I'll still see it.

8:22 - James talks about the development of Avatar, and how it wasn't possible to make this movie until recent technologies allowed him to create the world of the film as he envisioned it.

8:20 - James Cameron hits the stage.

8:18 - There will be a handful of short films featuring real actors in the Assassin's Creed 2 universe. All scenery will be rendered with the Anvil engine.

8:16 - Ubisoft will be developing over 100 shots for the Avatar film.

8:15 - Tomorrow, they'll be announcing details on their collaboration with James Cameron on adapting Avatar to the home consoles.

8:14 - Yannis Mallat, another heavily accented gentleman, takes the stage.

8:13 - I wish they had a guy with better English doing all the talking.

8:11 - Ubisoft will team with Peter Jackson and Steven Spielberg to help create the TinTin game.

8:09 - A new feature, UPlay, will be part of several upcoming Ubisoft games. With the feature, gamers will be able to access a slew of features like in-game help and stores while playing the game.

8:06 - Yves Guillamont takes the stage. Man can this guy is able to talk a lot without saying anything.

8:05 - It kills me that the coverage of this event is sponsored by Web Soup.

8:03 - Going with Seacrest jokes, eh? You're better than that.

8:01 - Damn, my idol Joel McHale is hosting.

8:00 - Okay, Ubisoft, show me something good.