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E3 10: Gamervision's Microsoft Predictions

Will Anyone Care About Natal For A Second Year In A Row?

by 00.19


For anyone interested in the gaming industry, E3 is the most exciting time of the year. Every summer, gamers can expect big announcements and lots of surprises, both good and bad. With the current generation reaching its apex and offering a wealth of triple-A titles all year long, how will the biggest publishers be able to outdo each other? We only have a week left until we find out. In the meantime, we're going to make educated guesses, do plenty of painstaking research, and blindly speculate about what announcements will be coming out of this year's big press conferences. Here are Gamervision's E3 2010 predictions.

Where were you when Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr came on stage during Microsoft’s E3 2009 press conference? I was asleep. There’s nothing more boring than the Beatles. Then there was a demo for Tony Hawk: Ride, and it was so damn hilarious. Particularly when minutes later, there was a demo of Project Natal that showcased a young boy playing a fake skating game with no board. Way to go, geniuses. I can’t believe that these guys didn’t realize that second video would take away any and all thunder from Tony Hawk’s abortion of a game. Sure, there were some actual highlights, like Metal Gear Solid Rising, Halo: Reach, and Facebook Connect. I’m just kidding. It’s actually been a pretty good year for the ol’ Xbox, and despite Molyneux’s Milo game, it was a fairly interesting conference. That said, I’m not really sure what to expect from Microsoft this year, other than another hour of Natal propaganda. So on that note, on to my predictions for Microsoft’s E3 2010 press conference.

Not Only Will Natal Get a Real Name, Date and Price, But It Will Also Still Suck

I’m not looking forward to Natal, or whatever its name ends up being when it ships, one bit. I think the whole “your body is the controller” line of thinking is absolute rubbish, and can’t believe people are excited to scroll through their Netflix queues, or play a dodgeball/Arkanoid hybrid. That’s not even mentioning the absolutely ridiculous controls for Fable III. Hand holding? Really? That’s the future? Anyway, it will come as no surprise when the real name, retail price, and release date for Natal are revealed next week. It will also come as no surprise when this glorified webcam costs more than $100.

First In-Game Footage of Gears of War 3. (Special Guest Appearance by Ice-T)

This is happening. There is literally no way this isn’t happening. Well, maybe Ice-T won’t be there, but expect Clifford J. Bleszinski to be on stage, playing through the floor demo version of Gears of War 3.

New Branding Unveiled Officially

E3 is an event to not only talk about your upcoming game library, but also to talk about more boring things like Twitter connectivity and changes to your branding. There have been images circulating of a new box art header for Xbox games, and where else would Microsoft unveil this new direction other than at this year’s E3 presser? Hey, there has to be something incredibly boring there to offset all that great Natal news.

Dead Space: Extraction Coming to Natal

How else would you make a light gun game for a console that has no such equipment? Listen, I really enjoyed the hell out of Dead Space: Extraction, and would welcome the chance to play through an HD version of the game. However, if it is indeed a Natal title, I’ll be picking the game up on the PlayStation 3 because at least Move is an actual controller. Not that I’m really looking forward to more peripherals for any of my consoles, but when I’m trying to control something, I would like to use a controller, not wildly expressive Italian gestures.

Portal 2, Live and in Person

The only reason you cancel an event at E3 is if you go out of business or one of the big three calls and asks you to join their presentation. That’s definitely something that happened with Valve and Portal 2. Expect a live demo of the game to wow the crowd, and subsequently steal the show. It’s easily going to be one of the most anticipated games of the year, and when the date gets announced following the play session, expect dozens of cat calls from those in attendance.

Metal Gear Solid: Rising Trailer Unveil

When Microsoft dropped the MGS bombshell on the world last year, everyone expected at least a smidgen of footage. Alas, there was none to be seen, and Metal Gear fans the world over were left wondering just what the hell Rising was going to be. I’m willing to stake your journalistic integrity (mine is simply too precious for such trivial gentlemen’s bets) on the fact that there will be footage of this game at this press conference.

Fable III Natal Demo

Are you sensing a trend here? This year’s Microsoft presser is going to be less about what is coming than it is about how you’re going to be playing what’s coming. Sure, I think there’ll be a few game announcements, but for the most part, Microsoft’s E3 2010 is going to be about showing you what’s so great about Natal. Here’s a hint: Nothing. Especially when it comes to Fable III, where you’ll be able to hold hands, console people, and jerk off. Whatever, Pete. Stop wasting people’s time with your nonsense innovation, and just make games people can enjoy without the benefit of some bullshit peripheral forced upon you by your masters.

Brand New Rare Video Game Unveiled

They have to be working on something, right? What better place to show off this completely original IP that nobody even knows exists yet than at Microsoft’s press conference. I probably won’t care very much because every Rare title developed post-Perfect Dark hasn’t appealed to me in the least, and I’m sure this next title isn’t going to break that trend. Of course, I could be wrong, and Rare might finally be over creating games for ten year-olds.

Xbox 360 Slim

Because nothing would surprise me less than Microsoft making a smaller version of their system. It worked wonders for Sony, so it stands to reason, at least from a marketability standpoint, that it would also work for Microsoft. Sony did also add in a price drop, but Microsoft doesn’t have to cater to the whims of the general public. They’re perfectly content to sit on the second place pedestal.

Final Fantasy XIII Versus Going Multiplatform… This Time For Real Though.

Even though I don’t think this game is ever going to come out, the regular version of FFXIII did pretty well with a multiplatform release, and I can see Square-Enix doing it again with Versus. It’s been rumored for a while, but I wouldn’t put it past Microsoft to steal the thunder from Sony once again this year. The backlash will be much more low key this time around, and the sales would be worse if it was only available for one console. Square’s too smart to screw this up, aren’t they? (Also, yes, this was on my prediction list last year, but I’m going to keep putting it here until it’s right)

There you have it, my predictions for Microsoft’s 2010 E3 presser. I won last year’s challenge between Sarah, Coop, and myself by going 7/10. While I don’t think I’ll be quite as good as that again, I’m certain that Sarah and Coop will both do much worse with their predictions. You might say I’m taking the safe route with all these demo/trailer announcements, but to that I say, “Quick, look over there!”

Be sure to check back tomorrow for both Coop’s PlayStation predictions and Sarah’s Nintendo predictions. I’m practically tingling with excitement.

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  • Sarah
    Sarah

    I'm also really bored by Natal, but looking forward to Portal 2 a whole lot.

  • Philip
    Philip

    What would be even cooler than Portal 2 being announced would be Half Life 2: Episode 3 or just Half Life 3 lol

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