Welcome, once again, to The New Adventures of Throwback Thursday.

This week’s episode: CAPTAIN AMERICA VOL. 1 #425.



In honor of this week’s momentous issue of CAPTAIN AMERICA, we hearken back to time of foil-embossed significance. In March of 1994, we were going to bear witness to “The most startling event in the life of America’s greatest hero.” Or not.

It seems that Captain America’s super-soldier serum had begun deteriorating his body. The more strain he put on it, the faster his body would fail him.

Elsewhere, a new villain makes known his plan to humiliate Captain America.



Part of the humiliation of Cap is apparently pretending to be Steve Rogers, and get drunk at a bar. Good one.

Another genius part of the villain’s plan is to show up at a swanky party, dressed like Cap, with a skanky chick. Captain America would be embarrassed for sure. Of the woman who thought a haircut like that was socially acceptable. Ba-Zing!

Oh, wait, Cap’s real girlfriend, Diamond, also has a crappy haircut.

Apparently there’s some other stuff that happens. The Avengers hold a press conference to help Cap show this hard partying was the wrong way to live, and he was headed to rehab. Or something. I couldn’t even finish reading the issue the plot and dialogue was so laughable. Somewhere, Mark Gruenwald is shaking his head in agreement. Even he can’t believe he wrote something this bland.

If there was one good thing to say about this issue, it’s that they printed a letter in the letter column (Geniously titled “Let’s Rap with Cap.” Oh, 90’s.) from a fan named Olav Beemer. Olav, thank you (and your hilarious name) for taking my mind off the ridiculously third-rate Jim Lee they had doing the art for this "momentous" 425th issue. And thank you Marvel, for making me appreciate just how far comic writing has really come in 15 years.

More next week.