Listen... I'm sorry. I take back everything I said about Vampire Rain. It was just recently that I wrote about how it was the worst game ever made, and how I was certain nothing would ever be as bad. I know I said the controls, graphics, and plot were so awful nothing could ever come close to being as, well, crap. To be honest I didn’t believe it would actually go unrivaled, but I figured by the time something came out that was able to prove me wrong it would be long enough that I would have forgotten the claims.

Now, here we are several weeks later with a game that makes Vampire Rain look enjoyable by comparison. Escape From Bug Island is a horrible experience I cannot fully describe for fear of the website being shut down and searched by the FBI. Everything about this game bleeds campy in the worst way possible. The characters are boring, the plot is deplorable, and the graphics simply suck. It's like a B movie... except it's longer, and you need to pay attention.



The plot is something straight out a seven-year-old’s mind. You arrive on an island full of bugs and get stuck. Oh no! The dialog is juvenile in every sense, failing in any way to build characters that might, in some way, be interesting. The main character has to find his friends and escape. This story, albeit terrible, might actually fly for easily frightened children. However, in one of the strangest moves this generation, the developers decided to throw in a few gallons of red blood and get the game a Mature rating. If this were geared towards kids who didn’t know any better it... I suppose... in a way... maybe... MIGHT be a fun little terrible adventure game. The Mature rating assures that we won’t be having any of that.

Nevermind, even then, it wouldn't be good. The actual gameplay makes sure of that. It tries to use Resident Evil's controls, but fails at emulating them. The camera is behind the main character most of the time, but will, in typical broken game fashion, randomly change to a fixed view. It was disorienting in the original Resident Evil titles, and it's disorienting now. All it manages to get in a mad grab at copying Capcom's zombie series is the tank-like controls, which, you know, is just fantastic. This leaves slow moving tank that rolls down a path of mediocrity, encountering low-polygon villains who will ineffectively try to kill you as you slash them down with a wide range of crappy weapons.



That is, if you can hit them. You need to aim in first person for ranged weapons, which proves to be about as difficult as not slamming the Wii remote into your eye as you play. When you go into throwing mode with rocks (which you can carry 99 of, must be a strong kid), you are limited to a small area of view. To actually hit anything, your best bet is changing to first-person flashlight mode, which is just poor design. This isn’t really worth it, because you will likely be eaten alive by a praying mantis by then. The game also uses motion sensing to let you dive in a diagonal direction. By swinging the left and right controller you dive in that direction, diagonally. Why you can't dive forward, backward, left, or right is beyond me. And them, apparently.

I could go on and on, but I am just going to end it here. No one in their right mind should buy this game. It somehow managed to be worse then Vampire Rain, something so bad that I was compelled to make a Youtube video warning potential consumers about just to reach a few more people. It's a travesty, and one of the worst games ever made. Good work.