Hello there!  This is my new article that I intend to publish weekly, even if this one is a little late.  I need help thinking of a clever title for the article.  I was thinking something like, "Geek in Review," but that's too corny and doesn't sum up the general tone of the article.  All suggestions would be appreciated, and thanks for reading!

Major League Eating Game in the Works

    Game publisher Mastiff, responsible for bo-ring titles such as Dr. Sudoku and Space Invaders Revolution, announced that they've obtained the liscence to produce a game based on the Major League Eating competition. Sounds thrilling right? Well it gets better. Details on the actual gameplay have been described as a "fighting game," in which players will,

"show brilliant on-screen eating; a mastery of offensive and defensive weapons including burps, belches, and mustard gas; and of course the technical mastery necessary to avoid emptying one’s stomach in a vividly colored reversal of fortune."

Translation: Eat, burp, be redundant then toss your cookies. The line for 7 year olds starts here.

    Bill Swartz of Mastiff commented on the eaters themselves,

"Major League Eaters aren’t just elite athletes. They are the people who built America. Or at least the competitive eating part of America. And I am deeply honored that the International Federation of Competitive Eating and Major League Eating choose Mastiff as their exclusive video game partner."

When I read, "built America," I imagined Eater X and Takeru Kobayashi signing the Declaration of Independence, which would probably make for a better game. Other than that this is the only way this game could ever be cool:

    George Shea of Major League Eating shows support for the announcement, “We knew this sport would lend itself very well to an interactive format." That's totally true. Just the other day I was watching my brother gnaw away at this T-bone steak and thought, "I want to play that in a video game."

I can only hope that one day my favorite alternative sport, Shirling, is made into a video game.

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One Million Copies of the Left Behind Game Available FO FREE

    They gave it away at churches, sent it to our troops, sold it in stores (at least I think it was supposed to sell), and still manage to have 1 million copies of Left Behind Eternal Forces available to give away. Why would LB Games print so many copies of this title? Were they hoping for another Great Awakening, resulting in them earning major ducats? Regardless, LB Games is allowing gamers and Christians alike to take advantage of this not-so-once-in-a-life-time offer.

    The game's website attempts to peak intrest in gamers,

"Play the video game in which prayer is more powerful than guns! Finally, a positive, safe game for the entire family."

Prayer more powerful than guns?! Quick, someone call the President! What's that? Oh, he already believes this? Ok, that's comforting news. But what is this "safe game for the entire family" nonsense? Let's examine at the game's cover:

The ESRB website supplies the game with a Teen rating for violence. That doesn't sound as safe as they make it out to be...maybe they really want to get rid of these 1 million copies.

    You can either have the game shipped to your home and pay shipping fees, or download the game from the site and pay a convenience charge. As the saying goes, "there's no such thing as a free Rapture."

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Chris Kramer of Capcom Responds to DMC4 Install Complaints

    When a game company usually messes something up, they like to extend an apology to those gamers who used their hard-earned cash to pick up their new game. But not that rebel Chris Kramer over at Capcom. Instead he'd like to take the time to mock some of the complaints,

"Wah! The game takes 20 minutes to install the first time. Wah! Have you ever played a PC game? At least we aren’t making you shuffle multiple discs into a ROM drive, or continuously click “Yes!” on a series of endless Windows dialog boxes."

Chris, you are aware that this game was released on a fucking console, where I personally have never been subject to a required install, right? You shouldn't be acting like you didn't expect any backlash from this, especially since the Xbox 360 version plays instantly right out of the box!

Upset consumer (left) Chris Kramer acting like a cock (right)

Chris continues to defend the install,

"Installing on a console may seem like a weird idea, but there’s a real benefit. Unreal Tournament also has an option to install files onto your PS3."

I suppose the keyword here is "OPTION." If you made this 5gb install optional there would probably be a lot less complaints concerning it. I'm sure sometime in the near future, we will see more games requiring an install before you can actually play the game, but if you're going to do it now, don't require it for one console and not the other.

    Chris would also like to recommend making a sandwich and getting a soda, just in case you didn't feel like watching the provided story recap of the DMC series that plays during the install. It's very kind of Chris Kramer to offer me my own food. All I know is that Capcom Japan would never act this way, shame on you Chris!

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