As Dead Space Week continues to roll on here at Gamervision, we thought it would be good to give you Dead Space fans a few more reasons to expel your bowels in fear while you play Dead Space 2, and avoid not being virgins for another night (SUCCESS!). Earlier this week we compiled a list of the top 25 movies that inspired the Dead Space series which you can find here. Just like in Dead Space, where you're pretty much at risk of whizzing yourself at every turn, we figured we would select a few scenes from movies that make you jump in terror, and have nightmares for three straight weeks while urinating in bed, causing my girlfriend to call me "the worst bed wetter she's ever slept with." It was a major contributing factor to our break up! So without further adieu here is my list of the top seven movies scenes that will make you piss pants.
Lord of the Rings (2001) - Bilbo Baggins' Ring Freakout
Bilbo Baggins was the original wee-man who found the all-powerful One Ring in The Hobbit. In The Lord of the Rings trilogy he bestows the ring's curse onto his nephew Frodo, and successfully transcends the Creepy Uncle Barrier. While having a slumber party in the Elvish city of Rivendell, Frodo flashes the ring in front of his uncle causing Bilbo to freak out like a crazed midget, who really wants to have sex with his nephew's all-powerful ring. His eyes bulge out, and he gets all veiny as he lunges toward Frodo. The One Ring must give great Ring Blowies. While sitting in the theatre, I remember this scene making me jump out of my seat. Mostly because until this point, the movie had already been on for 4 hours, and I was pretty surprised that something actually exciting was happening.
The Shining (1980) - Bear Blowies
The Overlook Hotel in The Shining is a real creepy place. Ghost bartenders serve you delicious drinks, naked rotting geriatric ladies give you free hugs, and a psychic jazz musician, who is terrible at ducking, shares a supernatural bond with your son. It's no wonder Jack Torrence goes nuts. But what I think helped send him over the edge and, terrify me at the same time, was the man in the bear costume giving another man a blowie in one of the rooms. This scene is terrifying in the sense that, up until this point, you had a pretty good idea that The Overlook was full of weird and scary surprises… but a furry yiffing a guy with his door wide open means that anything can happen! Did The Overlook used to host Furfag conventions is the early 1920's (yes)? Does that guy receiving the favor just really like Yogi Bear (who doesn't)? One thing is for sure… if you would see this shit going on at your local Hampton Inn, you'd probably ask for a refund and skip the continental breakfast. Or murder your family… either one.
Twilight Zone the Movie (1983) - Dan Aykroyd Prologue
The Twilight Zone is one of the greatest television shows of all time. In 1983, it was turned into a movie using some of the more classic storylines form the original 1960s show, and combining them together as what, in reality, is a very long remake. In my opinion, the movie is great, and whenever it is on I watch it. But before the movie's title screen, there is a prologue with Dan Aykroyd and Albert Brooks that, as a child (manchild), terrified me. The two men are driving along a dark country road singing CCR, when suddenly their radio goes out. Not wanting to get bored, as one would while driving with Dan Aykroyd, Albert Brooks starts singing different television themes, and asking Peter Venkman to guess what show they are from. Finally, Aykroyd asks Brooks if he's ever watched The Twilight Zone (GET IT!), and if he wants to see something really scary. Brooks, being known for his love of being scared out of his mind says, "Of course Danny," and pulls the car over waiting for what, presumably, couldn't be anything more terrifying that Albert Brooks' own hairline. What ensues is just pure set up magic. Aykroyd turns into his true form (fact), and the movie begins on a high note. What makes this scene is the slow burn. That, and I fucking love CCR.
Pee Wee's Big Adventure (1985) - Large Marge!
Keeping with the theme of driving and getting the tits scared off of you, Pee Wee's Big Adventure has one of the scariest scenes ever committed to film. Pee Wee is hitchhiking trying to find his beloved bike, when he is picked up by a trucker named Large Marge. Marge goes into a fairly long and boring story about an accident she saw one night describing it in detail. Finally she makes a terrifying face, and drops Pee Wee off at a diner telling him to tell the patrons of said diner that Large Marge sent him. Long story short… Large Marge is a ghost. When I first saw this movie, it was the scariest scene that I ever seen, and made me defecate my Spider-Man pajamas. Nearly everything about this movie is great, and as a kid this scene was creepy enough to stick with me all these years. Pee Wee's Big Adventure is a pretty weird movie, and Large Marge fits right in turning the movie, for a short time, into a horror flick. Also, next time you go into a shitty diner, make sure you tell everyone that Large Marge sent you. You'll be sure to get some lolz.
Even in his early career, Tim Burton couldn't help but put Helena Bohnam Carter in his movies...
The Fly (1986) - Fly Baby
This isn't scary...Geena Davis is just hot as fuck
The Fly is the most terrifying movie of all time. Something about the usually extremely fuckable and attractive Jeff Goldblum slowly turning into a revolting, decaying, rotting, foul scientist trying to survive Jurassic Park gives me chills. Oh wait… that… that's not The Fly? Well anyway, he's fuck ugly in The Fly, too. Probably the most disturbing part of the movie is when he bangs Geena Davis, impregnating her with his Goldblum Fly Larva. Davis then gives birth to the larva in a regular human hospital. This scene always creeped me out. It must be a remnant of my reptilian brain that is afraid of bugs, and the part of my brain that is deathly afraid of giving birth to a fly larva put into my non-existent lady parts by Jeff Goldblum. I recommend watching this movie if you are afraid of bugs and want to be MORE afraid of bugs. There is also the part at the end where Geena Davis holds a shotgun up to Goldblum Fly, and he positions it in a such a manner as to indicate he wants her to shoot him in the head. It is disturbing and eerily sad, mostly because I imagine this is how Jeff Goldblum feels everyday of his life now. The free-wheelin' 90s are over Jeff… but please don't blow your brains out! You're not THAT ugly…
Holy SHIT! This is fucking terrifying...
Carrie (1976) - Graveyard Ending
Can we get this out of the way first please? Carrie is fucking hot. Especially when covered in swine blood! I would let her telekinetically do things to me that are illegal in most states… since telekinesis is illegal in most states (look it up). That's what makes the ending of Carrie so tragic. Because… because if she was ugly, her dying at the end wouldn't really mean as much to me. What? It wouldn't. Carrie is a cautionary tale of why you shouldn't throw tampons at girls who can light fires with their minds. In the end Carrie's own extremely creepy (and hot) mother kills her because she thinks Carrie is the devil. Because lets face it… when you kill everyone at your prom for throwing blood on you, one kind of has to expect that kind of stigma. The soul survivor of Carrie's wrath, and the only girl to ever be nice to her, is then seen laying flowers on Carrie's grave. Suddenly, Carrie's extremely hot arm pops out of the grave, and grabs the other girls arm, making everyone who watches this scene immediately do a boom-boom in their pants.
"We're going to be friends 4 Evar!" ~ Carrie White
The Thing (1982) - Blood Test
Finally, the number one scariest moment on the list belongs to none other than one of the scariest and suspense-filled movies of all time, The Thing. This movie is nothing but one horrible nightmarish moment after another. Quietly, a mysterious space virus takes over any living thing inside of an Antarctic compound, where a bunch of scientists are doing nerdy scientist shit. The only way to prove that someone isn't infected with the space virus is to take a blood sample, and subject it to heat. At one point, Kurt Russell ties up all of the suspected infected dorks scientists, and forces them to take a blood test after he finds some other dorks murdered. Slowly, he takes the samples, and the suspense grows with every negative result. From a film-scientist's dork point of view, the editing is genius. The tension is palpable every time you watch the movie, and it is beyond creepy every time. In the end, everyone dies, and everything turns out better than expected! This movie was an easy choice for number one due to the similarities it shares with the Dead Space series in terms of horror and suspense. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. This movie will make you go #8 all over the place (that's two #4s!).
Oh sorry...here's another picture of Dan Aykroyd...
There you have it, my list of the scariest movie moments. If you have any scary movie moments that terrified you, please feel free to share! I'd love to hear what scared you so I can make fun of you, and call you derogatory names to my friends and co-workers! I'm just kidding… I don't have any friends. I hope you stick around for more Dead Space week coverage with original articles, commentary, and series dedicated to the release of Dead Space 2.