Yes, friends, it's been a few days. But rest assured that Drama Llama, your best Gamervision Community source for gaming drama, legalese and kerfuffle, will always be here.

I will never give you up.

I will never let you down.

I will never turn ar-- okay, I'm stopping.

"Now I'm Going to Challenge You to a CHILDREN'S CARD GAME"

(No Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series? Anyone? Anyone? It's the only way I watch.)

So here's a shocker: someone, somewhere, is making counterfeit trading cards. And Konami dun like it.

Vintage Sports Cards is selling repackaged Yu-Gi-Oh! trading cards with counterfeit "rare cards," Konami Corp. says in a trademark and copyright complaint in Los Angeles Federal Court. The cards are based on manga, or comic books, which are wildly popular in Japan.

Comic books, popular?! JAPAN?! You don't say!

GamePolitics notes that the legal filing has yet to appear in the public record, but will be following up as the story develops.

GamePolitics: Konami Sues Over Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards

Bangladeshi Editorial Brings Up Every Games-Are-Evil Cliche You Can Imagine, But Manages to Get Extra Credit Too

Remember hearing about all those old 1950s "information pamphlets" about how children who watched too much TV would damage their jaws because of resting their chins in their hands too much? Same deal, really. After this editorial in The New Nation cites the regular violence, sex, drugs, addiction, juvenile delinquency mantra, they also toss in this:

[A doctor says] "There arise some physical problems too. If children play video games for a long time, their fingers get swollen and they face problems in their muscles. These may lead to serious physical problems in the future."

Psychologically, Dr Tamanna says, the consequence is even worse. Due to these games, children get attracted to violence and sex... The children who play at shops have to lie or steal money... When children keep on playing games, they cannot control themselves... electric waves of brains get changed.

(Emphasis added.)

Also, guys? Masturbation makes you go blind.

"There is one solid point in all of this, however," writes GP's Dennis McCauley. "Apparently, piracy is big in Bangladesh and the writer complains that kids are buying plain CDs with no parental advisories visible."

Not sure where the fix lies in that one. Hey, pirates! Scribble some ratings on those disks!

GamePolitics: In Bangladesh, Games are Demonized

Squeenix: Japan Sucks Now, Guys

At the Tokyo Game Show keynote, Square Enix president Yoichi Wada addressed the crowd by saying that Japan is losing ground in the global games market.

"Why has the Japanese industry lost its position?" he asked, adding, "I as chairman of CESA shouldn't be saying this, but it's true."

He explained that historically, most of the game console manufacturers were Japanese, and hardware/software alliances were strong. So originally, the "hub" was the Japanese hardware producer such as Nintendo or Sony, and all the game creators interacted through that hub.

Nowadays, not only is Microsoft an exception in terms of hardware creation, but there are many other hubs and communities that have been created.

[...]

He also pinpointed cross-media collaboration with the film industry and working with universities to educate game developers, as well as middleware and tools companies, as further hubs and communities that users can learn from and be clustered around. Again, he stated that the game business in Japan is "a very closed industry," and having more open networks is key to moving forward.

I have an additional idea: could it possibly be that many Japanese developers --such as the one present here-- have a chronic allergy to innovation of any sort? Maybe even Japan is getting tired of hair gel heroes with compensating swords? Perhaps your 30-50 hour games would be Bell of the Ball more often if they came with Bioshock-calibre storylines and design? I'm not discounting Wada's call for hubs, but elevating the content couldn't hurt either.

(Before you ask, JRPGs are my favourite genre. Or at least they were.)

GameSetWatch: TGS: Square Enix's Wada: Japanese Industry Has 'Lost Its Position'

Disney's Got a 57-Page Contract For You

Blu-ray news: it kinda counts! Disney wants you to know that Sleeping Beauty on Blu-ray is a huge damn deal, by making consumers agree to a 57-page End-User Licence Agreement.

Boing Boing Gadgets reports that the disk also contains a 60+ page privacy policy. Quips BB writer John Brownlee:

A shame that they didn't deign to release Fantasia on Blu-Ray first: this EULA would be the insane legalistic equivalent of the multiplying brooms in "The Sorcerer's Apprentice."

You know, if I made software, I'd throw all kinds of pork into my totally unreadable Terms of Use agreements. First-born children? Check. Monthly breathing tax? Check. Man, I'm gonna be rollin'!

Boing Boing Gadgets: Sleeping Beauty Blu-Ray requires viewers to agree to 57 page EULA.

Homeless Man Wants You to Know He's the Best Game Designer Ever

Ending on a light note here. Chris Remo offers up the long, increasingly absurd tale of the homeless guy currently building the Best Game Ever.

Along with updates regarding his living situation, our designer includes notes on Pocket Dungeon’s progress, sometimes in the context of his own design evolution.

[...]

The game’s influences begin changing. It is described as a meeting of Zombies Ate My Neighbors, Diablo, and Zelda. “That probably sounds confusing and unlike anything you’ve ever played,” he says. “And, it is.”

“I don’t want to overhype anything,” he adds, “but I will make the most unique indie game EVER.”

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Remowned: Home is where the development environment is.

Llama Food for Thought!

Tiny articles and non-news to chew.

• Kotaku wants to know: do we ditch the LittleBigPlanet beta levels or not? No! Please no! I'm not done with my ZeroPunctuation level yet!
• GameSetWatch: The Mega64 Effect
• BBC: "Rapidfire" function hard to shut off in bed, it seems

That's all the news, ever. See you next time on Drama Llama!