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Today on the Dairy: iPads, Pee Wee and Tom Selleck!

I'm Sorry, It's Time To Talk iPad

Wednesday, the iPad exploded the internet. Just as I promised on Facebook and Twitter, I spared what was left of our sanity and kept the topic on the back burner. Now, close to 48 hours later, people are finally starting to chill the fuck out and I think I’m ready to articulate what I think of the iPad with more than some angry, rumbling sounds. Yeah, they’re not so easy to type. I’ve tried.

So if you’ve been living under a rock for the past few days with your ears stuffed with lead and cement, then allow me to introduce you to Apple’s “next big thing”, the iPad. Measuring in with a 9.7 inch display, 0.5 inches in width, and weighing only 1.5 lbs., this mesmerizing little machine is much like the iPhone/iPod Touch family with its swanky display, touch screen abilities and design. It’s gorgeous really, but I have a hard time understanding the impact that it wants to make. Here’s the deal.

The Aesthetic:

Apple prides itself on its aesthetic. Sleek, clean machines that function flawlessly and run as smooth as a baby’s bottom. That flash to the entire world that says “I have good taste and you can tell this by my obviously Apple designed Apple product.” So what the hell happened with the iPad? Yeah, it’s gorgeous, but didn’t we learn from the MacBookAir? Fancy aesthetic does not a fancy computer make.

So what the hell do I do with it?:

I… I don’t know. I mean, I know I can listen to my music and sift through photos and read an eBook and blah blah blah, but I’m a big fan of multitasking. When I do things, I do them all together, at once and TO THE EXTREME! …It keeps me sane. It’s how my brain works. Just right now I have my iTunes playing, my Gmail Gmailing and Zane sending me funny captioned photos on AIM all while typing this in Word. Granted, I’m using a MacBookPro and yes, I technically do have too many applications open, but that’s how I function. Back space button, my butt.

And how about some of them USB ports? Once again, remember the MacBookAir? I admit, I was totally on board with that, but the main complaint remained that there were no ports and how in the hell was anything useful if it didn’t have ports!? Apparently not useful at all.

Okay, fine, if the iPad is not going to function the way I want it to as a computer or a netbook or what have you, it can always be my toy, right? So where’s the camera? You couldn’t stuff an iPhone lens in there so I can take hip photos of myself using the Polaroid app? And why not a wide screen since you finally made watching a movie on one of your tiny handheld products sound like a good idea? Fine, then don’t. I’ll just troll the internet. Oh wait, no flash support. Yeah, you’re just fucking with me now, aren’t you?

And now for what bothers me most…

The Price, The Attitude, The Name:

Dude, this thing is hella expensive. Don’t get me wrong, I can find reasons to budget and save $500-800 for something that I want/need. Hell, that’s cheaper than the Canon I’m about to buy, but the spending doesn’t end there. We’re talking $30.00-60.00 a month to AT&T for that data you’ve been paying AT&T for your iPhone. Oh, you already have an iPhone? That should simplify your cost, right? Wrong. That’s two bills my friend. Two. Bills. Which leads me to the attitude. I’m sick of it, Apple. A Netbook is something you buy for mom for $300-500 so she can check her email and watch 30 Rock on Hulu. Come on. This is not the price of the market you’re aiming for. Wait. Who am I kidding? You’re not aiming for normal people. Nope. You’re not at all. Stop pretending.

Last but not least, the name. Oh, how unfortunate. I just can’t help but think of some kind iPod menstruation accessory. And that basically covers every other possible problem. The lack of conventional thought that went in the name (what was wrong with the iTablet anyway?) simply screams the lack of conventional thought that went into everything else. Call me in 5 years, iPad. You know, when you finally got yourself figured out. Until then I’m gonna go root for Microsoft Surface to take over that bar down the street.

 

Speaking Of The iPad...

...Pee Wee!!!!!!!!!!

And I lol'd.

[via TheLaughingSquid]

 

Big Daddy Jewelry

Drooooooooooool. After spending all morning thinking about how much I don't want an iPad, I've run dry on expressions for things that I do want like a matching Big Daddy bracelet and ring. It reminds me so much of thus ridiculously large resin ring I've been jonesing for since I saw it in Soho last summer. Why didn't I just buy it? God, Nikkita, why are you so stupid!?!?

Anyway, there is definitely nothing stupid about the Big Daddy Little Sister ring and bracelet from the AzureeAlice Etsy shop for a mere $5.00 and $10.00. And if you're more of a necklace kind of girl (or guy, whatever you're into) you can request one to be made.

[via Wonderland]

 

How To Report The News

In other words, how to say so much without saying anything at all.

 

Unrelated Captions

Inside jokes. Everybody has them, especially on the internet. Probably because nothing is ever deleted and is therefore remembered forever. So where do random captioned photos go to retire? The lucky ones end up on Unrelated Captions, possibly my new favorite site. The others? I don't know and I don't think I want to... Shudder.

Happy random-ing!

Thanks, Jimmy!

 

Selleck Waterfall Sandwich

Remember that thing that I just said about Unrelated Captions being my new favorite site? Yeah, scratch that. I mean, it's great and all, but it's no Selleck Waterall Sandwhich, which is exactly what you think it is. Selleck, waterfalls and sandwiches.

Why does this site exist? I don't know and I don't need to know. It's simply proof that there is some kind of higher power and that this higher power loves me, you and the rest of the world.

Happy Sellecking!

Thanks, Sara! You win at everything today!