Video games aren’t just mindless entertainment. There are plenty of things we can learn from them, if we only heed their lessons. For example, take New Super Mario Bros. Wii, which at first appears deceptively cute and innocent. Not everything is all flowers and puppies in the Mushroom Kingdom, though; it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and NSMBW will test the limits of your humanity and show you just what you’re capable of doing to survive. Here are five things I learned from New Super Mario Bros. Wii.



Toads Aren’t Important Enough to Get Names.

Two of the four playable characters in New Super Mario Bros. Wii may be Toads, but that doesn’t mean they’re important enough to get actual names. Don’t be fooled, they’re just peons who happened to tag along on the Mario brothers’ journey. They’re not even as important as the original red-headed Toad, advisor to Princess Peach, or his pink girlfriend Toadette. Toads are irrelevant and expendable, and Mario would be the first to jump on their heads and force them off a cliff.



Penguins Are Dicks.

Aw, aren’t the penguins adorable? Yes. Adorably dangerous. You might be walking along on icy ground, minding your own business and trying not to slide around, and then bam! A penguin comes out of nowhere, knocking you back, possibly to your death. Skinning them doesn’t seem to get rid of their negative qualities, either; if a friend dons a penguin suit, he will likely do whatever it takes not to lose it, even if it means sacrificing all of his cohorts.



When in Doubt, Get in Your Bubble.

If you’re trailing behind the rest of your group and can’t seem to catch up, don’t be a hero; get in a bubble. You can safely float to your friends without the fear of being killed by the various hazards found throughout the Mushroom Kingdom. Are you less of a man for doing this? Yes, absolutely, but there will be times when you have to choose between your pride and your life. Forget about pride and get in your bubble.



Your Friends Are Out to Get You, Trust No One.

When you start your adventure, you and your friends will want to work together, sharing mushrooms and flowers, using strategy and teamwork to reach that flag at the end of each area. It won’t be long before this all falls apart. Don’t be fooled; your friends are also your enemies, and will throw you under a metaphorical bus for a shot at a propeller hat. Don’t let your trust and naivety blind you. Put yourself first, and don’t let your guard down for a second. Your friends are only looking out for themselves, and you should do the same.



Even if You Rescue Princess Peach, You Probably Won’t Get Laid.

Seriously, she’s a tease. You’ve been chasing that tail for over twenty years, do you really think she’s ever going to put out?