At the time of this writing, I have played all of the Ace Attorney games to be released in North America, so I think that means I’ve got a pretty firm grasp on what it means to be a lawyer. Phoenix Wright and his prosecuting opponents could easily take the place of any law school, and I’m confident in my backup career choice: super awesome lawyer person. How can you become a lawyer without the hassle and expense of obtaining a law degree? Why, all you need to do is heed these lessons that I’ve learned.



Your client is always innocent.

As a defense attorney, you need to prove to the judge that your client didn’t commit the crime he or she is accused of, which will probably be murder 99.9% of the time. No matter how hopeless your defense seems, and how guilty your client appears, just remember: he or she is always innocent. Seriously, defense attorneys never actually defend guilty clients! That would just be silly.



When you need help, enlist an underage girl or two.

What did Phoenix Wright do when his mentor and fellow lawyer, Mia Fey, was murdered? Did he just give up? No, he hired her seventeen-year-old sister, of course! Maya Fey proved to be an invaluable resource to Phoenix over the course of his law career. As Phoenix’s reputation grew, he did the only reasonable thing: took on Maya’s younger cousin Pearl. Years later, new ace attorney Apollo Justice follows in Phoenix’s footsteps by having young Trucy accompany him on cases. Any defense attorney worth his salt doesn’t go anywhere without young girls in tow.



In the courtroom, props help.

Would Franziska von Karma be nearly as intimidating without her trademark whip? I don’t think so. Just because you’re a lawyer, it doesn’t mean you can’t use a few visual aids. Guitars, endless cups of coffee, and umbrellas will also do the trick, whether you’re a defense attorney, prosecutor, or even on the witness stand.



Judges are easily swayed by emotional outbursts.

Is your case not going very well? Then it’s time to freak out. Judges are easily influenced by the feelings of the people in their courtrooms, so a good show of crocodile tears should get some sympathy for your client. If all else fails, just be assertive in presenting your opinions; judges are fairly clueless and will believe almost anything.



Don’t object unless you’re sure.

One thing the judge won’t care for is a needless objection. With all of the shenanigans that occur in a normal courtroom, this is the one thing that can ground the entire process to a halt. If you have a valid reason, by all means, shout out that fateful word: “OBJECTION!” Just make sure you know what you’re doing, because otherwise, you'll just look silly.