Game: Toe Jam & Earl
Platform: Sega Genesis
Year Released: 1991

I’m going to be completely honest here: I had never played Toe Jam & Earl until it became available for download on the Wii’s Virtual Console. See, I never had a Genesis until a few months ago, so Toe Jam & Earl was one of many 16-bit classics I missed out on during my childhood. However, ever since grabbing this game on Christmas 2006, the day it went live, I haven’t been able to get enough of it—especially when a good friend is nearby.

The premise of Toe Jam & Earl is simple: the two title aliens have crashed their spaceship on a foreign planet (known to us as Earth), and must collect parts to repair their vehicle and get back to their home world of Funkotron. That’s right, just in case you didn’t know, these guys are all about the funk. Unfortunately, annoying humans get in the way of their quest, making things tricky. Featured enemies are evil mailboxes disguised as regular mailboxes, insane dentists, and the Boogeyman, among others. Not all Earthlings are bad, however, and some actually aid Toe Jam and Earl throughout the game. Santa Claus stops by from time to time to hand out presents, a Wise Man dressed as a carrot offers helpful advice, and a large opera singer will restore your health (for three bucks).

Items wrapped up like Christmas presents can be found lying around on Earth and have various uses. Some gifts, like sling shots or super hi-tops, can help make things easier. Other items are more detrimental, such as rocket skates that give you uncontrollable speed and usually lead to barreling off the face of the planet. Additionally, Toe Jam and Earl will get “promotions” throughout the game similar to leveling up. Each promotion gives the player a larger HP bar and refills health. I feel the need to list the job titles here, as they make me smile: Wiener, Dufus, Poindexter, Peanut, Dude, Bro, Homey, Rapmaster and Funklord. While you may start out as a lowly Wiener, you’ll eventually aspire to become a Rapmaster, and maybe even a Funklord, if you play your cards right.

In case you haven’t picked up on the game’s tone yet, Toe Jam & Earl is completely ridiculous, as well as hilarious. I’m sure the early-90s, Fresh Prince of Bel-air-esque dialogue and soundtrack were great at the time, but in this day and age it’s so campy that it just makes the game even funnier and more over-the-top. The game can be played alone, but two-player co-op is really the ideal way to go. With one player taking the role of Toe Jam and the other being Earl, players split up to explore each level of earth, looking for spaceship parts and the elevator to take them to the next level. If one player gets a Game Over, the other can keep going in his quest to make it back to Funkotron.

Even though Toe Jam & Earl is a blast to play, there are also plenty of frustrating moments. Most of these stem from the fact that unless you have picked up any helpful presents, you are totally defenseless against foes. The characters don’t fight or come with any means of keeping themselves alive other than running for their lives, which doesn’t always work out. Also, the Earthlings can be very unforgiving, sometimes causing you to lose several lives in a row. If you’ve put three or four hours into the game and get a Game Over because you were repeatedly run over by a crowd of people with only one spaceship part left to find, it can be pretty aggravating.

Toe Jam & Earl is undeniably a simple game, packed with lots of cheesy, dated humor and some gameplay elements that are less than perfect. However, as a whole, this is a gem. There’s a reason that Toe Jam & Earl is one of the most memorable games from the Sega Genesis library; in addition to being fun and totally replay-able, it offers an experience that’s bizarre and unique. Wearing oversized gold medallions and referring to yourself as a Funklord may have gone out of style, but Toe Jam & Earl never will.

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