Ah, Xbox 360 and your sweet achievements. You do absolutely nothing except display our accomplishments to our friends over Xbox Live and occasionally extend the replay value of some games. Yet, for some reason, we have grown to love these achievements and work day and night to unlock them.

Below is a list of achievements you won’t actually find on any 360 game… but should.

The “He’s Holding You Back” Award (Guitar Hero III)

Given during the co-op career mode to a player who gives a five-star performance while his or her partner can barely stay afloat. If you get this achievement, it’s time to find a new partner.

The “Why Did I Buy This Game?” Award (Two Worlds)
Given upon starting the game. Unfortunately, it can’t get you your $60 back, but at least you’ll have some gamer points!

The “You Put 40 Hours into This Game, Here’s Something to Show For It” Award (Blue Dragon)

You can easily play all the way onto the third disc of this RPG with less achievements than you can count on one hand. It’s not hard to miss a lot of them unless you know exactly where to go and when to get them. But with this award, which is unlocked when you hit the 40 hour mark, you can at least show people what you’ve been doing with your time.

The “Animal Abuser” Award (Viva Piñata)
Given the first time you break open one of your garden’s residents and toss the sweet candy inside to the other piñatas. Tell me again how a game that encourages you to beat paper animals to death with a shovel got an E rating?

The “Just Getting By” Award (Paperboy)

Xbox Live Arcade games need achievements too, right? Now, we all know about Paperboy’s fairly simple concept, which is to deliver newspapers to every house on your route. But really, to be technical, you only need to keep ONE customer to keep your job another day, so toss one paper in a mailbox and spend the rest of the day avoiding the traps of everyday surburbia, like tornadoes and the Grim Reaper. What? It’s a fairly respectable strategy.