As much as I like to wax nostalgic about old-school games and the ones that deserve a remake, many of my favorite video game characters never get another chance to see the light of day. I can’t help but wonder sometimes, where are they now? What have they been up to? How did the events of the game they appeared in change their lives?

So starting today and continuing on a semi-regular basis, I will bring you updates from the video game universe, informing you what our beloved characters have been doing with themselves. It seems all too appropriate that I start out this new tradition with a blatantly obvious choice: Maniac Mansion.

For those who have never read anything I’ve ever written and therefore not caught my constant references to the LucasArts classic, Maniac Mansion was an early entry in the point-and-click genre that centered around a group of college kids rescuing a cheerleader from a mad scientist, an angry tentacle, and a murderous meteor. In fact, by saving the cheerleader, they may indeed have saved the world.

But what happened next? Sure, we got an update on Bernard and the Edisons with the pseudo-sequel Day of the Tentacle, but what else has been going on? I’m about to let you know.

Dave and Sandy



Our hero and our cheerleader are now happily married and the proud parents of seven children. While Sandy started a promising career as a professional cheerleader after finishing college, her dreams were shattered when an injury forced her to retire at the age of 23. Now a stay-at-home mom, Sandy spends her days caring for her kids while Dave tends to his duties as the mayor of their town.

Razor, Syd, and Green Tentacle



After destroying the meteor and saving the world, Razor and Syd both went on to realize their rock star dreams by forming their own band. Also featuring mutated Dr. Fred creation Green Tentacle, the band has enjoyed massive success and recently completed a world tour. Despite constant rumors, Razor and Syd insist that their relationship is strictly platonic. The relationship between Razor and Green Tentacle, however, is still up in the air.

Wendy



Wendy failed to become a famous novel-writer as she had always dreamed. Once she realized getting published was never going to happen, her life became a downward spiral of booze and hard drugs. Missing for several years, she has been presumed dead. No one cares.

Bernard



After his time-traveling adventures in Day of the Tentacle, Bernard went on to graduate college with a perfect G.P.A. and became one of the youngest rocket scientists in the country. He then discovered that he was afraid of rockets. Back in school again, Bernard is searching for a new path, and incidentally, still living with Hoagie and Laverne.

Jeff



A surfer dude who preferred to spend his college days getting stoned and catching waves, Jeff flunked out shortly after the events of Maniac Mansion. Unable to get a job and kicked out by his parents, Jeff is now homeless and unemployed. You can find him on the shore, often clutching a surfboard and mumbling something about a perfect wave.

Michael



As a photography major, Michael had been best known for taking boring and pretentious nature shots. However, post-college Michael discovered that there was much more money to be made in taking candid pictures of famous people. He is now one of the most well-paid and hated members of the paparazzi.

The Edisons



After selling their story off to a video game developer, the Edisons became filthy rich and bought an even bigger mansion. Finally able to quit his mad scientist gig, Dr. Fred was able to repair his strained marriage with Nurse Edna. Their relationship is stronger than ever. However, it wasn’t happily ever after for all of the members of the Edison family. Weird Ed’s hamster was mysteriously killed in a microwave accident, and Ed was committed to a mental institution shortly thereafter. His psychologist reports that his condition is improving, though he still wears his Boy Scout’s uniform every day.