While playing Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction, I couldn’t help but imagine a) how much more money I could be making if I worked a little harder in high school and became a private military contractor, and b) what if during the game I actually did come across a playground? I’m now picturing my favorite character, a lanky Norwegian, on that spinning saucer thing, and I think I’ve got an idea for the sequel.

Regardless, this game is an absolute blast to play. The in-game cinematics and sound are well, cinematic. I don’t remember many games for the original Xbox that looked this good. There were times where I ditched my ride just to blow it up and bask in the warmth of the hellacious explosion.

Mercenaries is an open-ended game with tons of terrain to navigate in plenty of different vehicles. The land is well-defined, and what’s more, has character to it. I can recall playing similar games that geographically lacked definition; if those games didn’t each have on-screen maps, I’d be absolutely lost when trying to find my way. Maybe the most impressive thing about this game’s vastness is the total lack of load time when traveling. None. At all. You’re not as impressed? What do I care? You think you’re better than me?

The controls are very serviceable. Driving was fun and controlled without being too complicated. Shooting controls felt a little wimpy. I didn’t feel like I was shooting anything heavier than Granddad’s old .22, when in fact one of the game’s high points is the multitude of weapons to choose from. Moving around was simple enough, although I had some nagging problems seeing over various obstacles.

This game is plenty big and plenty long. With all 52 bosses to nab, side missions galore, drive-time, and just stopping to blow things up, you’ll be at it for a while. Still, there’s no reason to sell this one after you’ve completed the campaign, which can end multiple ways, depending on which faction trusts you the most, which brings us to the storyline.

You are one of three skilled Mercs, hired by the Allied Nations to stop over 50 North Korean baddies, as well as the dictator’s son, who kidnapped his own father upon learning of a potential peace treaty. You’ve been given carte blanche, able to complete missions for intel from any of the various factions in the area: the Chinese government, the South Koreans, the steely Russian mob, or the Allies themselves. The money you earn capturing henchmen (all of whom are nick-named after playing cards) is used for weapons upgrades, most notably the sundry badass artillery strikes. Just a thought: I felt a little bad for the guys who were the ‘Queens’. Just, you know, kind of a raw deal, I thought.

Toss in a couple fantastic unlockables (sans digital whip, plus the ability to shoot first), and the possibility to hear both Peter Stormare and Bruce McGill (two of my favorite character actors) in the same video game, and you’ve got a top-notch title that doesn’t skimp on fun and action. And who doesn’t think of North Korea when they think of fun?