With about a quarter of the United States population buried in snow, there is an inordinate number of gamers at home right now. In between shoveling sessions, these gamers just might be looking for the perfect game to play to get their minds off the bitter cold barrage of frozen hell that continues to close schools and offices across the northeast. Fortunately, we at Gamervision have assembled a list of the perfect games to keep you warm during this winter lockdown, and we are perfectly qualified to do so; we're all wearing hawaiian shirts.
10 – Dead or Alive Xtreme 2
You almost never see girls in bikinis in the snow. I’m not judging anyone, but it’s a sad fact. It probably has something to do with the fact that women have nerve endings, and are subject to frostbite, hypothermia, and other similar annoyances. Luckily, the Dead or Alive girls are mere shells of women, and not susceptible to such things. Sure, they’re equal parts sexy and creepy, but they don’t care what month it is. They’ll bump their butts together in February without a hint of a complaint. I’m not saying they’re better than real women because of this, but it’s worth noting.
9 - Prince of Persia
Not much can survive in the frozen tundra that the Atlantic Coast has become, and signs of vegetation are almost non-existent right now. That’s why watching Elika restore the fertile grounds is the perfect remedy for the winter suicidal ideations blahs. It never snows in Persia, and free-running through the sun-drenched halls of a fantastical desert kingdom is way better than spreading rock salt.
8 - Dante’s Inferno
Hell may not be the most inviting place. In fact, by design, it’s kind of the least inviting. It is, however, quite warm, and Dante’s Inferno promises 8-10 hours of stygian action, complete with plenty of searing flames. Ahhh, searing flames. Besides, if some recent reviews are any indication, people might need an excuse to play this game, anyway, so this one’s as good as any.
7 - Lost Planet
Back in the olden days, when a man had a pain in his stomach, a doctor would crush his hand in a vise to make him forget about his stomach pain. I have no idea if that’s true, but it sounds good, and it supports the logic for Lost Planet as the number 8 pick. Even as you look out your window at a silent, frozen wasteland, you can take comfort in the fact that you’re not nearly as cold as protagonist Wayne Holden is. Also, you don’t have to fight giant space bugs, so that’s good.
6 - Forza Motorsport 3
Driving is dangerous enough on a normal day. Getting in a vehicle on a day like this is tantamount to suicide. Luckily, driving sims give you all the thrills of the open road with much less risk of, you know, dying, and Forza 3’s gorgeous visuals, breakneck speed, and “blue sky” aesthetic offer the best option for snow days. It sure as hell beats scraping windshields and trying to maneuver your ’89 Tercel around corners in yet another 2 feet of snow.
5 - Wave Race 64
The N64 couldn’t produce the depth of color or texture resolution required for today’s nearly photorealistic games, but it did some amazing stuff with what it had. Wave Race 64 is a perfect example. Despite a relatively simple color scheme and some very blurry textures, the game had a look that made you feel like you were on a tropical beach, ripping past waves, buoys, and opponents. Consider yourselves lucky that we’re snowed in, though; it means I can’t come over to your house and Wave Race all over that ass.
4 - Shadow of the Colossus
Because you have some free time, you still haven’t played it, and you really, really should.
3 - Super Mario Sunshine
Personally, I didn't like Super Mario Sunshine. I thought it strayed too far from Mario’s platform roots, it was kind f ugly, and residents of the Delfino Islands were utterly ridiculous. That being said, a lot of people loved the game, and for that reason, along with its undeniably cheerful, summertime looks, it makes it on the list. Hell, it’s got “Sunshine” right in the title, so how could we leave it out?
2 - MLB 10: The Show
Nothing says summer in America like baseball, and no baseball simulator can touch MLB 10: The Show. It’s one of the best sports games of all time, in my opinion, and the green fields and cheering fans might just make you forget all about the cold streak we’ve had. Unless you’re a Mets fan; your summers are all about cold streaks.
1 – California Games
It went up to 63∘Fahrenheit in Los Angeles today. That hardly seems fair. At least you can bask in the sun in a stunningly lifelike virtual recreation of the Golden State with California Games. What could be more summer-y or more California-y than the mix of skateboarding, roller skating, surfing, BMX riding, hackey-sacking, and Frisbee-ing that California Games offers? T&C Surf Designs, you say? Well then screw you pal.