Dave’s not here, man.  But I am, and this week I’m talking about drugs.  That’s right; Illicit narcotics.  There aren’t a whole lot of games out there that feature illegal substances, but there are enough to fill out a list, so that’s what I’m doing.  As to why I’m doing a drug list this week?  How about you don’t worry about that and enjoy this list instead.  You’re not a cop, are you?  Cause, you have to tell me if you are…


10 – Grand Theft Auto IV

Drug: Alcohol
Effect: Blurred vision, decreased driving ability
Description: Sure, the game hasn’t actually come out yet, but Rockstar has confirmed that the protagonist, Niko Bellic, will be able to imbibe alcohol, and that it will affect the player’s vision and response time.  At least they’re being honest with their vices.  And don’t let anyone tell you that alcohol isn’t a drug.  It is.  It’s a very fun one, too.



9 – Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Drug: Skooma
Effect: Increased speed and strength, decreased intelligence and agility
Description:  The fantasy realm of Tamriel is one of gaming’s deepest and most well developed worlds, populated by literally thousands of characters, books, plants, legends and creatures.  Many of society’s ills are also represented in the game, such as poverty, homelessness and even drug abuse.  Made from its naturally occurring source, Moonsugar, Skooma is Tamriel’s equivalent of crack.  It’s highly addictive, gives you a rush of energy while sapping your ability to reason, and it makes you fall down.


8 – Saints Row

Drug: Marijuana
Effect: Blurred vision, slowed movement
Description:  The little-GTA-clone-that-could allowed players to eat fast food in order to regain lost health.  Through the same menu, you could also choose to get drunk on cognac, malt liquor or champagne, or get smoked up with a bong, bowl or blunt.  The effect is short-lived, but smoke enough of that stuff and your screen becomes so cloudy you can’t see what’s happening in front of you.  Makes you cough, too.


7 – NetHack

Drug: Hallucinogenic potion
Effect: Severe visual hallucinations, altered awareness
Description:  Going back to ASCII text for this one.  Yes, NetHack, the original adventure RPG, released back in 1987, featured a certain potion that, when taken, caused the text that made up the dungeons to shift and change randomly, caused you to see creatures that weren’t really there and even allowed you to identify certain creatures that were otherwise unseen or unknown.  Trippy.



6 – Bioshock

Drug: EVE
Effect: Various superhuman abilities
Description: Now I know that for the player, EVE has no negative effects.  One look around Rapture, however, and you’ll see how it can completely destroy a community.  Even a utopian one.  For the player, it’s a power-up, but it’s one you have to inject with a hypo, so I’m gonna go ahead and call it a drug.



5 – Max Payne

Drug: Painkillers
Effect: Neutralizes pain
Description:  Max Payne has a serious problem; a raging addiction to painkillers.  Sure, it’s understandable that a guy who takes as many bullets as Max might need a couple happy pills to take the edge off, but seriously, the game assigns one of the face buttons to doing drugs.  No menus, no inventory screens, just push circle and you’re flying high again.  See a professional, Mr. Payne.  For your sake.



4 – Star Wars Galaxies

Drug: Spice
Effect: Various
Description:  The concept of drugs in the Star Wars galaxy is not new to Galaxies.  The original film mentions it in passing, and Episode 2 includes a scene involving Obi-Wan and a ne’er-do-well trying to sell death sticks.  In this game, however, you get the opportunity to actually smuggle spices like glitterstim and ryll throughout the galaxy, profiting on the pain and addiction that they create.  Like the scumbag you know you really are.



3 – Resident Evil

Drug: The green herb
Effect: Curative
Description: They’re everywhere.  In between collecting typewriter ribbons and being scared shitless by demon hounds, Claire, Chris and Jill spend a lot of time finding and taking “The Green Herb”, a vital life-giving item.  Regardless of what it does, it’s a green herb.  I’m sure there are thousands of pot-head gamers out there who ask each other “Will you take the green herb?” just before smoking themselves stupid.  Then they laugh and play Rez HD for five hours at a time.



2 – N.A.R.C.

Drug: Just about everything
Effect: Various
Description: No question; if you’re going by most drugs in a game, N.A.R.C. is the grand champion of the universe.  Weed, coke, ecstacy, speed, quaaludes, LSD.  They’re all her, and each one has a different effect.  Speed makes you fast, coke makes you strong, pot makes you slow, LSD makes you bat-shit crazy.  This game is so drug-crazed, they had to make up their own: Liquid Soul.  Not only that, but your character can become addicted to the drugs if you use them too much.




1 – Super Mario Bros.

Drug: Mushrooms
Effect: Growth, increased endurance
Description: Yeah, that’s right.  Mario is a druggie.  Perhaps Alice in Wonderland helped inspire the use of powerful mushrooms in SMB, as its creator states, but it’s just as likely that Japan’s own lax drug laws were the inspiration.  See, before 2002, psychedelic mushrooms were legal and readily available in Japan.  This could explain a lot: Monster Party, karaoke, the idea that the Sega 32X was a good idea, and this thing.  Either way, the power-up mushroom is without question the most memorable drug ever used in a video game.  And the most adorable.